Day 3 Monsters and Angels

- Cheryl Strayed

– Cheryl Strayed

It’s Day 3, and I admit, I left work thinking how nice it would feel tonight to slip away into a bottle of red wine in front of the latest episode of Homeland.

No. No no. Not gonna, I told myself an annoying number of times on my short bike ride home. Gah!  And I had to tell myself No to a mixer that was happening in the lobby of my apartment building. I saw them bringing in the case of red wine bottles and if I hadn’t quit drinking, I would have loved to join them and hop the fast lane to a quick buzz. Doesn’t it sound divine? Cubes of cheese (orange and white!), an assortment of wheaty-seedy crackers and WhoKnowsOrCaresWhat label of red blend in a clear plastic cup.

Who wouldn’t want that?

But I know better. What would really happen. Beyond the cubes and crackers, how it would really go down.

I would be mildly agitated by the (too) short pour the guy with the bottle put into my cup. I would joke, Really? C’mon, fill ‘er up! {ha ha! joking! but really, FILL IT UP! ahhh, there you gooo! Thanks!} I would drink it down in a few minutes and look around for any bottles that were on the table so I could just help myself. Already feeling the release, I would sidle up to the guest of honor and have what I’m sure would be a pleasant and witty conversation. I would be charming and fun {oh yes, I’m SURE, so charming and fun}, and in the next few minutes I would make my way to the bottom of my cup and go find another bottle to fill it up again.

And then I would decide that I didn’t get enough and didn’t want to draw attention to myself, so I would go upstairs, get my keys and my dog, and we’d walk the block to the corner store so I could buy a bottle that I could drink all by myself without any of the hassle of being monitored by strangers. I would sit in front of Homeland and fill my glass over and over until the show was over and the bottle was empty. And then I would think, I drank a bottle again… 

Time for bed.

It probably wouldn’t hit me until morning that I’d actually drunk a bottle and a half or more, when you count the mixer earlier. Or maybe it would. And I’d wait for it to sink in that I’d failed again. Insult added to injury.

**But that didn’t happen tonight.**

I breathed. I walked my dog to the pet store about eight blocks away and picked up a toy for the animal shelter drive at work tomorrow. I promised myself tea and some bubbly water if I could find it at the corner store. And I read the comments of some of the kind bloggers who took time to say some encouraging words today.

Thanks for this, Heya, Monster.

And for this, Untipsyteacher:

Drinking will not help.
Anything.
You are quitting for a reason.
Keep that foremost in your mind!
xo

Day 3 isn’t over yet, but I’m going to spend about 30 minutes in the gym, read another chapter of the novel I bought 3-1/2 years ago but never read because I’ve been drinking myself to sleep every night, and then…

sleep.

Rachel.

17 thoughts on “Day 3 Monsters and Angels

  1. That’s brilliant. I’ve been thinking what would happen if I did actually drink (I had a “I’ll only have one!” Thought pop into my head last night) and it’s really helping me. It’s funny how deluded some of my thoughts are though – just one drink?! That never happened!
    Congratulations on day three and I hope you go to bed feeling accomplished 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I always think through too. I find that really helps when you think about how nice just one glass of wine over dinner with hubby would be. Who am I kidding! A whole bottle, another at home, followed by whiskey, an argument and a hair of the dog the next day!

    Congrats on day 3. Day 3 was always my crumble day.

    I’m doing the same as you – gym, book and bed. It’s actually such a heavenly way to live 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Totes. I’ve heard it said that Day 5 is a huge fail day for many people. I’ve only made it past day 5 once before and it did suck. Partly because it was a Friday (which I suspect is why it’s hard for so many people. Monday is a big Day 1 day, and Friday is the double-whammy of being the end of a long work week when we love to let off steam by putting back a couple of bottles of wine in front of a good movie. Well, that’s been my story, anyway. 🙂 Not this Friday… But that’s tomorrow. I need to focus on today.

      Like

  3. My husband always says play it through to the end.
    Sounds like you know yourself well.
    What I always hated was my inability to remember what happened in tv shows I watched.

    Funny, that never happens now. Lol

    Day 3 is great.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wa-hoo! Day 3! Lobe what your night became, rather than the same old, same old. Also, as said above, that you played it out past that first drink (pretty as it is). It is so helpful when the internal voice is coaxing you to give in and have ‘just one.’ I found that the technique was also really helpful when I was going through white-knuckle weeks, and resenting sobriety. The trick kept me from drinking many nights, so I am grateful for my sobriety. It’s tricky sometimes, isn’t it? Sheesh. ….p.s. And thank you for the mention.* I’m so glad you liked the post!

    Liked by 1 person

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