Just a quick post today, on my lunch break. Something I don’t normally do, but I was re-reading my last “I fucked up and blew my streak” post and it came off to me sounding a bit… I don’t know… flip?
Just want to be clear: Just because I’m not berating myself about having a couple of drinks last week, doesn’t mean I don’t take it very seriously. I do. Living a sober life is hard, and I, for one, don’t like reading about people who messed up when they thought for one twisted moment that they could give “moderation” a go. Because in the light of day (or clarity of mind), we know that is total bullshit (read: wine goblin’s shenanigans), and when we are trying to get or keep sober momentum, hearing about someone else’s slip isn’t inspirational AT ALL.
Who wants to read about someone else’s mess except someone who wants commiserating? I ask you.
Not me. I want hopey changey!! I want rainbows and glitter! I want Life is a bloody hard gauntlet of glass shards and swinging flails sometimes, and the strong make it through to the other side!
Seriously, no one wants to hear that I had a drink because I was nervous about a big date.
L.A.M.E. 🙂 (you’re right)
My hope, of course, is that as dumb as I feel about being back to Day 6 again, not only have *I* learned from it, but someone else might too. No, moderation doesn’t work. Yes, your hard-earned peace of mind will go flying out the window with “just one,” and won’t come back again until you’ve slogged back up that hill again for…well, I guess I’ll find out how long. Before, it took over a month to finally stop hearing the whispering chatter all the time. Well over a month before the random “how about a drink” thoughts throughout the day all but disappeared. I have no reason to believe it won’t take that long again and I did that to myself.
The good news for me is that I learned another valuable lesson. At some point these fecking lessons are going to reach the tipping point and I’ll never go back. I am a really strong woman, and stronger all the time, and I really do believe I’m there (one day at a time). But I guess now my only option is to keep building on days and proving it — to myself and to you.
I tell ya, being on the sober momentum bandwagon sure is nice. I’m feeling good and taking good care of myself. I’ll get there. One thing we all know for sure is that time passes, faster and faster. And as long as I never pick up that first drink — and stay close to all my tools that will help when it gets tough — I’ll have that first 100 days under my belt in no time. (May 6, to be exact.)
Happy happy February, all. The (self) LOVE month.
good great day.
Rachel. Day 6.