Hurrahforcoffee repost: What my lapses and relapses have taught me.

This is a post from Hurrah for Coffee and it’s so good. She nails it with this relevant and real list of learnings, which I already knew (anyone going at this a while has probably experienced some or most of this), but it is really good to be reminded. And have them all in one place.

Today I will tell my drinker’s voice to fuck off. She was really excited to maybe get to drink again in July, but even that is telling.

I have a lot of work to do on living my best life. As I think about plans the team is making for a wine tasting/potluck this summer — literally timed when I will be drinking again — I ask myself: seriously? Is that really what you need for a rich and fulfilling life?

I wonder if the romantic situations I have crafted in my mind’s eye — red wine swirling at  the bottom of a beautiful crystal glass, over candlelight with a handsome man, or under the stars by the fire with friends, or in a tasting room with my tribe, or in an authentic Italian restaurant that only serves beer and wine (this actually happened on this same trip), or a trip IN VENICE AND ROME with a handsome Italian, or or or or or…

How do those moments stack up to the rest of the moments I can and will create without wine?

Do I really need to do more “research”?

Why can’t I learn from people like Hurrah for Coffee and have my answer? Why does it take some of us so many times “researching” only to come back to the same conclusion? Can’t I just listen to LITERALLY EVERYONE and believe in my heart that I am done with booze for good?

Seriously, what does it have to take? I’m so tired of the existential conflict. And I’m terrified of getting it wrong.

Hurrah for coffee!

This is a post for myself to refer back to if I EVER feel like drinking again. If this helps anyone else that is awesome too.

I had 5 years sobriety in my 20’s but was white knuckling it alone. In my thirties 2 and half years, then another year and half. Then a couple of months at a time (3 to 6 months stretches). I know it seems like I was going backwards in my journey but everytime I went back to drinking I learned something new.

A lapse is one night of drinking followed by getting back on the horse the next day. A relapse is sustained drinking until of course you stop again (if you manage to stop again I should say)

Here is what I learned from all of my lapses/relapses throughout the last couple of years.

  1. It get’s harder and harder to get back on…

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4 thoughts on “Hurrahforcoffee repost: What my lapses and relapses have taught me.

  1. When I have any internal conflict I always return to the saying

    I would rather go through life sober, thinking I’m an alcoholic than drunk, trying to prove I’m not.

    I just don’t think I have the energy for the latter.

    Liked by 1 person

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